Trees, Not Rabbit Holes
You know when you hear something at just the right time? I just finished listening to Bruce Lipton on Mayim Bialik’s Breakdown. And it was just what I didn’t know I needed. It’s a two-part podcast with SO much good stuff to pull from. Specific to my own healing journey I was struck with this idea of how much of our lives are run on old programming instead of consciousness.
I am fascinated by the conscious/creative mind versus the subconscious/habitual mind. The things formed in us early that drive so much throughout life. But what happens when the ones entrusted with your development aren’t themselves healed?
What I recognize now is my own habit of allowing thoughts that lead to analyzing, digging and looping. I am excellent when it comes to deep trauma work. That’s just me and I’m wildly grateful for it. It’s allowed me to remember my beginning, heal that little girl and not be overrun by what I never had a fighting chance against. The problem comes when my habitual mind takes over and wants to live day to day digging in my rearview mirror rather than allowing my conscious mind to lead through my windshield.
This may seem overly simplistic, but being able to understand where thoughts originate helps me catch them. When my thoughts feel overwhelming, urgent and all—consuming? That’s when I call bullshit and say NOPE. That’s the old programming. I can catch that, thank my ego for watching out for me and get back to the moment.
My healing taught me to go deep. Now I’m learning when not to. I believe my ego-self, bless her heart, just wants to protect me as she’s done my entire 52 years. She’s loud, on edge, urgent and not in the present - always focused on the past or future. That’s the opposite of my soul/highest-self, which is calm, peaceful and in the moment. I’m learning to distinguish between the part of me that compulsively thinks and the part that quietly knows.
The best part of all this? Now that my ego-self has some time off, my conscious mind is CREATIVE. I’m rediscovering myself in the most playful and fun way.
Freeing my mind from the life that did happen, not huntin’ for trouble with the future that may happen… and staying rooted in the life that is happening ? That’s the magic!
Thoughts looping? Nope, I’m gonna head outside and ground myself in nature. I hug the trees and if you don’t you’re deeply missing out. Or maybe I just turn on the music super loud and dance like no one’s watching. Sometimes I write in this new blog of mine. I’m discovering endless ways to redirect my mind… But I think Tim’s favorite may be when I catch those thoughts and decide to strut my ass to the kitchen and see where it leads me… Just this week I managed to whip up what I, in my most humble of ways, can only describe as the best vegetable soup of my life.
Isn’t it wild how one way of operating through life can suddenly feel so… uncomfortable? What once was just me, my normal way of thinking and being, now feels itchy & interruptive. My new awareness creates space for choice and creativity. My ego still gets worked up and sends out emergency thoughts, sure. But now my soul comes alongside and reminds her, “We don’t live there anymore.”
